A Letter To My Younger Self

A Letter To My Younger Self

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Sitting here in the car, going back to reality, I’m thinking of all the things I would have loved to tell my younger self.

Like, Marcelle, you are beautiful, but than I realized that I only really got comfortable in my own skin by the age of 19. There are so many other things I could tell myself, so why not write a letter to my younger self.

Dear younger Marcelle.

This is a letter from an older you to well, you, and I’m here to tell you a little bit of what you are going to go through in your life time (well until now which is 21.)

Here it goes …

You are going to go through some rough times, more than what you can think of and more than what you are going to tell others. Remember you are someone that keeps everything to her self and this is going to make you a “hard” person.

You will lose people in your life, people you never thought you will lose, but with that said you are going to gain so many new friends.

You are going to stand by others sides, but not all of them will have your back.

You are going to be the person everyone is going to run to with their problems, yet not all of them are going to be there when you need a shoulder to cry on.

You have a way of thinking differently to others, so just know that not everyone is going to understand you, therefore people will tell you to change and they will “box you up”.

You are not going to be the most prettiest girl in the class, group or even in a mall. You are going to change yourself to fit in, but you will never be happy within yourself.

People are going to say rude things to you and about you, you are going to take those words they say to heart and you are going to ponder over it for years to come. *Be strong little girl*

You are going to be the person that will not know how to love, yet you will be the person telling others how to love.

You are an over thinker, so you will over think most situations, but you will not fall into the trap of your own thoughts.

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There are things that I need you to remember.

When you feel sad or lonely you need to write everything down, cause one day when you are 21 you are going to start a blog where your thoughts will be written down. This will only be the start since one of your dreams will be to write a book.

The people who broke you, will come back to you, but you are going to be strong enough to stand back and say NO, you will not ruin my life again,

The battles you fought are the ones that made you, YOU. You will one day be there for so many people and inspire people to think different, to fight for what they believe in and most importantly to stand up for themselves.

You will love yourself, but it will take a couple of years, but when you do start loving yourself no one will  be able to STOP you.

There will be people coming into your life for a reason, a season or for a life time, you will know who is who.

Remember that by 21 you still don’t have it all figured out, but you do know where you are heading and I’m proud of you for how far you have come.

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You have made it through so much.

You have made it through bullying.

You have made it through your brothers suicide attempts (I didn’t mention this one before cause you are still working through the emotions, everyday).

You have made it through the worst years of your life.

You have made it through your own thoughts about yourself.

Your life that you are living now is a bad one leading to a great one, you will never give up, and you will have your parents with you every step of the way.

Remember after a bad day life goes on.

Signing off,
Your older self.

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A true story of something bigger than us.

A true story of something bigger than us.

Dear reader,

Let me ask you something…

Have you ever just looked at someone and thought how can one person be so positive with all the negative things that has happened to them ?

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For me this turned into reality when my mom told me a couple of years ago that when she was younger she battled with anorexia. I couldn’t believe what she had told me, I mean for a girl to hit that point in her life, there must be a reason.Guys if you don’t know this by now, than let be enlighten you with some wisdom of the female gender, us women feel the need to be perfect at all time.

With that said whenever we hear we are fat, to skinny, to ugly, to tomboy or even to girly, best believe we are going to make sure to change ourselves. Let me just add this mostly happen with teen girls who is still finding their way and finding themselves.

Then, my second reality hit just a couple of months ago when one of my best friends told me that she used to be addicted to dieting pills. It just got me thinking, why do we do this, why do we as women fall into this trap ? Well I got the answer and I’m going to tell you 2 stories. (Please note everyone has their own reasons why they do this, but this is to stories close to me.)

Let me tell you a story about my mom.

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My mom has always been my role model, so the day she told me that she suffered from anorexia it brought tears to my eyes, but at the same time a lot of questions.

Questions like:
Why ?
What happened ?
How old where you ?

*From a small age my mom taught me that no matter what anyone tells you, you are beautiful. She always said never change yourself for a man. For me this was very confusing, because why is she imprinting these lessons into me at such a young age*

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My mom answered all of my questions very honestly (which I loved since that is how our relationship is.) She told me that she was 19 years old when she was diagnosed with anorexia. She also said as for the “why”, she wanted to please her boyfriend at that time. Then with that said she answered my next question “what happened?”. She told me that her boyfriend at that time was emotionally breaking her down, he would make rude comments about her weight, and so she just ate less and less to the point where she was 43 Kg.

I know what most of you are thinking “43 Kg that’s not anorexia”, but it is, actually for her age at that time and her height she was suppose to weigh between 50-56 kg.

This just made me realize that we as women often tend to do “stupid” things to impress a man, and even though at that time it doesn’t seem like a “stupid” idea in the long run it is.

Let me tell you a story about my friend Sarlah

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Let me start by saying I only know Sarlah for a year now, and I’m truly blessed to have her as a best friend, so imagine my shock when she told me that she use to be addicted to dieting pills.

My fist reaction was WHAT but WHY ? as always cause you know i’m curious and all that stuff. My heart immediately broke when she told me this, because here I am looking at my best friend and she is such a beautiful women inside and out that I couldn’t understand why.

She told me that at the age of 16 she started with dieting pills and she just got addicted to it. Personally for me I was still in the “WHAT but WHY ” phase, and she said that it was because of bulling that she started with the dieting pills. I immediately understood why she the person who she is today, yes some days she still gets her days where eating isn’t her priority especially when she is stressed, but that what makes our friendship real because I will tell her to eat and she will do the same.

Yesterday I got a whatsapp message from Sarlah late at night telling me that –  quote “Tonight I saw one of my school addictions again.” I immediately asked her what it was and she replied with dieting pills. My goodness my heart dropped, because she told me that was one of her addictions, I immediately told her to throw it away. At first I couldn’t understand WHY she would have that at her house, but she herself didn’t even know.

Let me tell this crazy story, she herself is a blogger so she has a book that she writes in, that book went missing. She then obviously started searching for it, but instead of founding her book she found the pills. We believe that this was Gods plan, for her to relive that part of her life again so that she can inspire others.

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My main goal with this blog post is to help young girls, to realize that you don’t need to be a size 2 to look beautiful, because you are beautiful just the way you are (Bruno Mars Lyrics right there).

You all know I’m against bulling, and this is just prove to show that no matter what anyone says about you or to you, you can become a better person.

Don’t let other peoples words discourage you, don’t fall into the trap of what beauty really is, YOU are your own kind of BEAUTY !!

 

Don’t let society place you in a box.

Don’t let society place you in a box.

We often lose ourselves in the world we live in. It’s probably one of the easiest things that we do, we see how ‘pretty’ one girl is and we start comparing ourselves to her.

Society has placed us in categories and getting out of there is one of the most difficult things to do. It’s easy to get categorized but getting out of there is difficult and that’s when we start changing  ourselves.

Yet that’s exactly the way we lose ourselves.

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We lose ourselves by thinking that when we think, walk, talk, act and dress like everyone else we will start finding ourselves. We are so focused as to what society wants that we start defining ourselves according to it.

We start believing that being born different is ‘uncool.’
We start changing the things that makes us unique.
We start changing our look, because the way we look doesn’t fit in with the ‘law’ of society.
We start thinking and believing the same way others do, because thinking outside the box is a no go.

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For the longest time I wanted to fit in. I wanted people to know who I am, I wanted them to know my name. It was so bad that it became my desire to fit in and as soon as that became my desire that’s when I lost myself.

Yet even when I tried to become the person who everyone will know,’ I never could, because that’s not who I am, I’m someone who loves doing things that is out of the ordinary, I love thinking different than everyone else, I love giving my opinion and I have my own type of style.

As soon as I started realizing that I’m not supposed to “fit the norm” that’s when I started to find myself.

I believe that we don’t lose ourselves to society’s thoughts of how to be willingly but rather because we are oblivious to it. Let me give you an example, you see, as little children we are taught that everyone has beauty inside and out, but when we get older and start seeing all the models on the cover of magazines, that’s when we start criticizing everyone on their outer beauty. That’s how the ‘law’ of beauty in society became a reality. Not because of models, but because everyone started to look at the outer beauty and stopped caring about the inner beauty.

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The real question is WHY ?

WHY change yourself ?
WHY worry what others think ?
WHY live a life where you are not happy ?
WHY care what society thinks or say ?

To be honest with you, these questions are hard to answer when you want to fit in.

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There are so many WHY’s we can ask ourselves, but there is only one WHY I want to live by.

WHY believe you are not good enough when God made you with His perfect hands.

God didn’t make you to change yourself for the world, in fact, He made you to change the world. He made you fearfully and wonderfully and you, my dear friend, are more worthy that what any human on this planet can make you out to be.

Be yourself, the ones that love you will stand by you for who you are, and the ones who are not for you, but against you, are not even worthy of your attention.

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Standing Up For What You Believe In !!

Standing Up For What You Believe In !!

There are two ways to look at this.

1.Standing up for what you believe in.
2.Believing in what you stand for.

Let me explain the difference.

1. Standing up for what you believe in – this is when you believe in something and you will do and say anything to defend your point of view, especially when it’s something you believe is worth fighting for.
2. Believing in what you stand for – this is when you believe in what you stand for, but standing up for it is difficult especially  when none of your peers have the same believes as you.

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This blog post idea came to me a couple of days ago when I realized even in 2017 we are still being judged for what we believe in. If it is standing up for God, gay rights, women rights, equality etc.

Now I’m not sure why this is still such a huge deal in 2017, but unfortunately it is.

I know what most of you are thinking, how can someone that’s 21 years of age stand up for what she believes in. In all honesty it doesn’t matter if you are 10 years old, when you believe in something than you should stand up for it even if no one is standing with you.

Standing alone might make you different, people will place you in a little box, people will force you to believe in what they believe, but let me tell you something God made us all different with different mind sets and different ways of thinking, no one has the authority to tell you that your way of thinking is wrong because, what makes their way of thinking right ?

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We all have different things we stand for, let me tell you mine. (feel free to tell me yours in the comment section)

  1.  I believe in God, yes I’m a Christian. I will stand up for this believe of mine as many times as I can. Yet at the same time I love thinking different about things. Firstly,  I don’t take the bible literally I take it figuratively ( I know I might get some hate for this, but it’s fine) Let me give you an example.
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    In this verse Jesus said “if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to a mountain,’move from here to there’, and it will move”. Now taking this part literally will mean that if you even have the tiniest bit of faith you can move a mountain.
    For me personally this verse means by just having a little bit of faith, you can ‘Move mountains’ which means you can get over any obstacle given to you. Every heart break, every sad moment, every bad thing that has ever happened to you, you can conquer it. You see, we all think differently about everything, and even then God won’t judge me.
  2. I believe in gay rights.  Am I gay no, but do I accept it in society YES. Now I placed this one under my belief in God because I know this is what it always gets back to. I’ve been told so many times before by so many people that in the bible it is not acceptable for a man to be with a man and a women to be with a women, to be exact there are 12 scriptures in the bible that condemn this action, but there are 37 bible verses that tells us not to judge others.
    The bible tells us we are to confront others’ sin with truth, love and respect.The bible says – confront others – not judge them by their sins, and when we do decide to judge others on their sins, we need to look at our own before we can throw rocks.
    I’m not one to shy away from the truth and this is something I stand up for the most. I love gay people, I have gay family members as well as gay friends and I love them equally as much as I love my straight friends.

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  3. I believe in equality, gender equality. For a long time all over the world it was said men can do more things than women can, men work and women cook. Now that we are all over that statement and box that we have been placed in, you find women working machinery, men being cooks, women wearing pants and men working in fashion. For the people who still believe that women should be cooks and stay at home while the men go out and work WAKE UP  -it’s 2017.
    I know for a fact that I hate it when people tell me I can’t do a certain job because I’m a women, like -NO – I can do it, I will do it and I will prove you wrong.
    As for people being against males working in the fashion industry please WAKE UP it’s 2017, let take a look at Giorgio Armani the number 1 richest male fashion designer in the world who has 8 billion dollars in his bank, so while you are making fun of the guys who wants to be designers, Giorgio is smiling and guess what, those guys will also be smiling in a couple of years.
  4.  I believe in the anti bullying campaigns. Most of us usually say “I’m so against bullying” but than they go and bully someone. Let me just get something out the way – you get emotional and physical bullying. Emotional bullying is when someone makes you feel like you are not good enough, calls you names and tell you to kill yourself, where as physical bullying will be where you get kicked, slapped or bumped.
    This is one that I stand up for the most, why you might ask, because I have been a victim of emotional and physical bullying. People, especially younger people, need to realize that bullying isn’t just a funny thing to do just to be “in”. Unfortunately I know there are parents out there who also emotionally bully their children, parents need to realize what they do at home effects their children, and then their children will do the same to others. I stand up for this because I know how it changes people and how it hurts, stop bullying.

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    There are much more that I fight for in this world, but than you will be reading for days on end.

    Stand up for what you believe in even when you think it is silly – it’s not. Our beliefs and what we stand for is who we are, don’t change that for anyone.

 

INSECURITIES

INSECURITIES

We all have insecurities, but the question is how do we get them ??

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For the longest time ever I had insecurities, thinking I’m not pretty enough, I’m not tall enough, I’m not skinny enough, I’m not clever enough etc. The list can go on forever. We all have our own insecurities, yet we never think how we got them. Let me explain.

The other night I was sitting reading some statuses and got some comments on my first blog post that brought back some insecurities. For you to understand this I will have to open up and tell you what happened so let us get right into it.

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When I was younger, if I remember correctly it was grade 2, in grade 1 my parents were told that my reading isn’t up to standard. I passed grade 1 but instead of going to a “normal” grade 2 class I was placed in the “special class”. Most of you are reading this thinking shame poor thing she was a special needs child, no I wasn’t it was only my reading and my brain was always a term behind so when everyone else was already grasping term 3 I was only grasping term 2. As I got older my brain got used to all the studying so I grasped things quicker and I got better as the years went by,  with that said one of my biggest insecurities is being told either you are dumb or look at your spelling mistakes.

This became a reality for me on Tuesday when I was “called out” by some people about my insecurity (spelling errors), needless to say no one knows about this insecurity of mine except my close friends and family, so to the people who gave me this information to them it was nothing but helping me, where as for me it was awakening my insecurity.

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It got me thinking, how is it that when you think about an insecurity it doesn’t have the same effect as to when someone else says it to you.

This is how I see it…

As babies we grow up not knowing what insecurities are, but as we start growing up and meeting new people our insecurities awaken. Why you may ask ??

Well it’s simple really. our insecurities are given to us by others, if it being called fat, ugly, tall, short, skinny, dumb etc, whatever it may be those words get imprinted in our brains and we start believing it and we start living by those words.

Society has a “rule” as to how people should look and act, if you don’t look or act a certain way than you are known as an outcast of society.

I believe that we should all live by the words of “Psalm 139:14” – “For I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” If God loves us more than anything that He created why can’t we love ourselves equally as much.

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